After much hard work on AIM, since it's faster than forum.
Here's the "lessons," and the final grade.
nekohikaruchan (2:55:07 PM): Well, Nisorin and I found out how to help you with RPing.
blackhawkfury221 (2:55:11 PM): How?
nekohikaruchan (2:55:14 PM): You lack emotions.
blackhawkfury221 (2:55:18 PM): Oh.
nekohikaruchan (2:55:22 PM): Take your character Hiren for example.
nekohikaruchan (2:55:38 PM): You said atonement...but you didn't make the reader feel sorry for him.
blackhawkfury221 (2:55:41 PM): I now see what I need to correct.
nekohikaruchan (2:55:51 PM): You didn't make us feel his desperation.
nekohikaruchan (2:55:54 PM): You told it to us.
nekohikaruchan (2:56:03 PM): A reader wants to feel the story, not be told the story.
nekohikaruchan (2:56:21 PM): And so..the best example for that.
nekohikaruchan (2:56:26 PM): I'm gonna have you watch anime.
blackhawkfury221 (2:56:32 PM): Alright
nekohikaruchan (2:56:48 PM): And analyze others posts.
blackhawkfury221 (2:57:08 PM): Very well Hikaru, I shall do as you say. Btw : You admin on CE?
nekohikaruchan (2:57:14 PM): No.
nekohikaruchan (2:57:29 PM): Here's an example of mine, tell me what it makes the reader feel, and the reason you think so, point out the exact part of it.
blackhawkfury221 (2:57:34 PM): Ok.
blackhawkfury221 (3:01:30 PM): Link?
nekohikaruchan (3:01:45 PM): Here's an rp between Orph, Jeebus, and I from the old GE.
nekohikaruchan (3:01:46 PM): http://pastebin.ca/1762106
nekohikaruchan (3:01:52 PM): First question, tell me what the reader feels.
blackhawkfury221 (3:01:56 PM): Ok
blackhawkfury221 (3:03:59 PM): Koty is feeling worthless and wishes to lose himself and Hikaru is being compassionate and trying to prevent him from doing it. Psiko is sort of neutral as I could detect no emotion from him.
nekohikaruchan (3:04:38 PM): Close. Hikaru is feeling guilt as well, and Koty doesn't want his past from guilt.
nekohikaruchan (3:04:47 PM): Now what words in dialogue and action tells us this?
blackhawkfury221 (3:05:51 PM): Actions and Words here : Koty stopped and set the potion down. "Damnit." he said knocking it off. "Why can't I just forget it all?" he said sitting down his face in his hands. "I didn't choose to be the brother of God!" he yelled angrily
blackhawkfury221 (3:05:55 PM): That is part of it.
nekohikaruchan (3:06:08 PM): Key words?
blackhawkfury221 (3:06:21 PM): The Key Words are the WHY CAN't I FORGET IT ALL
nekohikaruchan (3:06:25 PM): No.
nekohikaruchan (3:06:29 PM): That's telling the reader.
nekohikaruchan (3:06:32 PM): You want to show the reader.
nekohikaruchan (3:06:56 PM): The key words to it being dramatic is "sitting down his face in his hands," and "yelled angrily." By this we know what emotions the character is feeling.
blackhawkfury221 (3:07:01 PM): Ah.
nekohikaruchan (3:07:05 PM): Because of the actions people use in real life.
blackhawkfury221 (3:07:11 PM): Thanks.
nekohikaruchan (3:07:20 PM): "That's true." Hikaru replied. "But a spell of forgetting and even a potion, only masks memories. To make the mind not focus on them. There's nothing to get rid of them forever. They still remain, and who's to say another one of that group won't just bring them back up? Running away from your memories isn't going to solve them. If you accept who you are now..." she paused as a flash back of when she was 5 appeared in her mind. ".....Then nothing in the past matters."
nekohikaruchan (3:07:40 PM): ^ Knowing and understanding, but then the flash of guilt, through experience.
blackhawkfury221 (3:07:54 PM): Hikaru is feeling gulity of her past life, and guilty for how Koty feels.
nekohikaruchan (3:07:55 PM): Now, find me one of your dramatic posts.
blackhawkfury221 (3:07:59 PM): Ok.
blackhawkfury221 (3:12:49 PM): "I shall work part time in both to appease you both and in exchange you shall allow me to return to the mortal plane in one month's time so that I may help the Relorians instead of hurting them by existing. If you will change my magic signature to that of someone they have never met before in order to allow me to exist among them without having to fight them I would be appreciative. " said Valor Korr once again courageous. best I got
nekohikaruchan (3:14:49 PM): What can you do to make it more dramatic?
blackhawkfury221 (3:15:21 PM): I could add more emotion to the post.
nekohikaruchan (3:15:46 PM): Try it, re-write it and show me, then I'll do a rewrite to show you the possibilities.
blackhawkfury221 (3:15:55 PM): Alright.
blackhawkfury221 (3:21:14 PM): Valor then seemed upset as he walked up to the judges. He knew he had to end their argument somehow. The only way he could think of was to do both coffee and tea making for them. He felt sorrow however since he knew they were unlikely to agree to him doing both. He felt guilt at what had happened in Reloria which had been his fault. He also felt guilty for the Nosvasians who had died under his watch. As a result of this guilt, his left eyebrow was twitching very much. He then decided however that it was time for him to assist them both. He then held up his hand and a canteen of coffee appeared in one hand. In his other hand a canteen of tea appeared. Both were steaming hot and though he ignored the pain he wished he could give the items to both of them. Now however was not the time to allow them to start arguing again. It would prove detrimental to his purpose.
nekohikaruchan (3:23:03 PM): Good..but you kind re-peated yourself and over-dramatized. Again, you want to show the reader the emotions through actions, not tell them how they're feeling except slightly. You want to make the reader feel empathy, not tell them to feel sympathy.
blackhawkfury221 (3:23:14 PM): Alright.
nekohikaruchan (3:23:28 PM): I'm going to re-write it (though I'm not that good with detail and length.) Then I want you to tell me what was changed that made it more convincing.
blackhawkfury221 (3:23:35 PM): Ok.
blackhawkfury221 (3:29:27 PM): I have decided to give Vailen technology at least to some extent.
nekohikaruchan (3:30:21 PM): Upset and impatient, Valor quickly thought of their proposals. He knew he had to get out of there somehow, or he'd never be able to atone for his sins. Was there nothing left he could do to cure himself of the guilt? All of the lives of the innocents that had ended, all because of him? No! He had to get out of there somehow! He had to find a way.
By now the judges had gone into a full blown argument, Valor caught in the middle of it. It was time he did something, or he would likely never get out of here. Even if it meant getting in the middle of their "battle."
"I could do both!" Vaylor spoke up, trying to get through to them. Actions speaking louder than words, he materialized both a canister of tea and coffee in his hands to show.
nekohikaruchan (3:30:55 PM): *to show his willingness.
blackhawkfury221 (3:31:19 PM): What you did was add more details and also make my post more detailed in the part of showing his guilt.
blackhawkfury221 (3:31:26 PM): You spelled Valor wrong though.
nekohikaruchan (3:31:44 PM): Yeah, accident at the bottom.
nekohikaruchan (3:31:52 PM): But what are the key words?
blackhawkfury221 (3:32:30 PM): The key words Upset and Impatient. He had to find a way. Actions Speaking Louder than words, and spoke up.
nekohikaruchan (3:32:49 PM): And questioning himself, showing the inner struggle.
nekohikaruchan (3:33:00 PM): You want to get into the characters mind.
nekohikaruchan (3:33:06 PM): You want to show their inner battles.
blackhawkfury221 (3:33:12 PM): Alright.
nekohikaruchan (3:34:39 PM): "Seeing the gas he then took the abandoned sage gun off the ground. Even though it was broken it might have a loose piece of metal. It did and now he could use it to kill himself. He then prepared to utilize it. " Rewrite it.
nekohikaruchan (3:35:20 PM): There has to be last thoughts, or feelings the character is feeling. Show us empathy. Don't tell us to feel sympathy.
blackhawkfury221 (3:35:32 PM): Ok.
blackhawkfury221 (3:42:21 PM): It isn't copying
nekohikaruchan (3:42:33 PM): Pastebin then.
blackhawkfury221 (3:42:36 PM): Ok
blackhawkfury221 (3:43:12 PM): http://www.pastebin.ca/1762170
nekohikaruchan (3:44:49 PM): You're being too confident. Your character would be beaten right now. Question yourself, show the reader his desperation. Don't be "too calm."
blackhawkfury221 (3:45:00 PM): Ok.
nekohikaruchan (3:45:31 PM): If you have to go completely dramatic do it. Show us your characters pain, let us feel that characters pain too.
blackhawkfury221 (3:45:38 PM): Ok.
blackhawkfury221 (3:45:42 PM): Now I will do it.
nekohikaruchan (3:46:03 PM): Imagine yourself as that character. Imagine it's you dying.
blackhawkfury221 (3:46:14 PM): Alright.
nekohikaruchan (3:54:33 PM): Also, a recommendation. Music = a good inspiration for drama.
blackhawkfury221 (3:54:39 PM): Alright.
blackhawkfury221 (3:54:49 PM): Anyway Hikaru I am almost done.
blackhawkfury221 (3:59:58 PM): http://www.pastebin.ca/1762186
nekohikaruchan (4:00:28 PM): Alright.
nekohikaruchan (4:00:52 PM): "He felt guilty that he had fallen into this trap of Kerion's and stupid for not allowing himself to die by Rogue's hand instead."
nekohikaruchan (4:00:55 PM): ^Telling the reader.
blackhawkfury221 (4:01:11 PM): Ah. Need to edit it.
nekohikaruchan (4:02:01 PM): Show the reader. "Oh why didn't he just die from Rogue? Why did he have to be so stupid as to live? He knew he Kerion would kill him first sight, had he just died back then, he could have saved himself from the pain of dying a traitor, and at least of died an honorable death."
nekohikaruchan (4:02:21 PM): Get it?
blackhawkfury221 (4:02:24 PM): Yes.
nekohikaruchan (4:02:50 PM): Let's try something different.
nekohikaruchan (4:02:56 PM): Re-write it this time, but in first person.
blackhawkfury221 (4:03:01 PM): Ok.
nekohikaruchan (4:03:22 PM): Maybe it'll be easier for you to write the characters feeling when the character is you.
blackhawkfury221 (4:03:27 PM): Ok.
nekohikaruchan (4:03:37 PM): Do it while listening to a sad song...
nekohikaruchan (4:03:42 PM): Do you like James Blunt?
blackhawkfury221 (4:03:50 PM): No, but I haven't listened to him before.
nekohikaruchan (4:04:13 PM): Try this song, it has the words "mistakes," and such in it..for guilt.
nekohikaruchan (4:04:21 PM): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wlrjy8ie9sc Re-write it while listening to it.
blackhawkfury221 (4:12:22 PM): Very well.
nekohikaruchan (4:12:50 PM): You don't have to. I just find that music helps to put me in the mood for dramatic scenes.
blackhawkfury221 (4:13:01 PM): It did help me.
blackhawkfury221 (4:13:38 PM): http://www.pastebin.ca/1762205
nekohikaruchan (4:21:38 PM): Better.
nekohikaruchan (4:21:44 PM): A paragraph is 5 sentences.
nekohikaruchan (4:21:56 PM): Re-write it into paragraph and transistioning.
blackhawkfury221 (4:22:08 PM): Alright.
nekohikaruchan (4:22:23 PM): Like after "His mistakes were numerous." Start a new paragraph. "As he thought of all this," That way we're going from one scene to another.
blackhawkfury221 (4:22:30 PM): Ah.
nekohikaruchan (4:22:33 PM): Like in a show, get it?
blackhawkfury221 (4:22:36 PM): Yeah
blackhawkfury221 (4:51:46 PM): http://www.pastebin.ca/1762237
nekohikaruchan (4:52:53 PM): Break it up.
blackhawkfury221 (4:53:02 PM): Alright
blackhawkfury221 (4:54:42 PM): http://www.pastebin.ca/1762259
nekohikaruchan (4:55:16 PM): Alright, right off, a mistake. But don't feel too bad because I was doing it constantly before.
nekohikaruchan (4:56:15 PM): Breaking sentences. "As I thought about my mistakes, I experienced regret. Regret for all the blood shed that had been done by myself unintentionally and intenionally both."
nekohikaruchan (4:56:24 PM): That period should be another comma.
nekohikaruchan (4:56:34 PM): OR!
nekohikaruchan (4:57:47 PM): More emotion. "regret that had caused me to be here to the brink of my life. Both intentionally and unintenionally, I had caused the blood shed of an entire race and should have have been dead. It was a shock that I had even been kept alive this long."
blackhawkfury221 (4:58:07 PM): Okay.
blackhawkfury221 (4:58:14 PM): I understand it, now I am going to go eat.
blackhawkfury221 (4:58:19 PM): 20 Min Tops.
nekohikaruchan (4:58:24 PM): We'll continue when you get back.
blackhawkfury221 (4:58:27 PM): Ok.
nekohikaruchan (6:58:09 PM): Rewrite yet?
blackhawkfury221 (6:58:15 PM): Later.
nekohikaruchan (7:11:48 PM): When you do, do it. After we have you to where you have convincing in guilt, sadness, regret, denial, and hurt. Remember, there's also other emotions, defending, standing up for a friend, confidence (but not arrogance,) annoyance...there's a wide array to use.
blackhawkfury221 (7:11:55 PM): Ok.
nekohikaruchan (7:12:35 PM): Once you master emotions...Orph and K2 won't kill you as much. Because as readers they'll respect your characters. The only reason we kill you is, we don't give a damn about your characters, they're boring, they're not human...they're robots.
blackhawkfury221 (7:12:43 PM): I see.
nekohikaruchan (8:28:21 PM): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RO6C4wSn-bo Analyze this and tell me your analysis.
blackhawkfury221 (8:32:33 PM): The girl was really annoyed with herself that she couldn't juggle and sad that she couldn't, angry that she thought her mother had lied and also sad that she had died.
nekohikaruchan (8:32:53 PM): Why was she upset that she couldn't?
blackhawkfury221 (8:33:00 PM): She wanted to show her mother.
nekohikaruchan (8:33:34 PM): Why did she get slapped? What was the emotion for this? To hurt her or deeper meaning?
blackhawkfury221 (8:33:43 PM): Anyway Hikaru, I will just tell you the majority of my junk mails are for stuff that shouldn't be sent to witnesses. I get offers for jobs, offers for colleges, Fafsa, and many others.
blackhawkfury221 (8:33:59 PM): She was slapped out of care for her to snap her out of it so she wouldn't be depressed.
nekohikaruchan (8:34:16 PM): Good.
MID GRADE: = B
nekohikaruchan (2:52:27 PM): Alright, I have to admit, your post in Hell, shows much improvement.
nekohikaruchan (2:52:41 PM): The picking up of the gavel...would have been one of my tricks.
blackhawkfury221 went idle at 2:59:16 PM
blackhawkfury221 (3:37:48 PM): Yeah, I planned to use it to hurl at anyone that attacks.
nekohikaruchan (3:38:14 PM): The way you got your character emotioned in that post is improvement as well though.
nekohikaruchan (4:02:56 PM): You have a grasp of emotions slightly now...but you think a few more anime examples just to be safe? It'll get you familiar with it.
blackhawkfury221 (4:03:01 PM): Ok.
blackhawkfury221 (4:03:12 PM): Anyway Hikaru, mind posting on GE in that topic?
nekohikaruchan (4:03:16 PM): I got just the one.
nekohikaruchan (4:03:21 PM): I will when I'm done teaching.
blackhawkfury221 (4:03:25 PM): Ok.
blackhawkfury221 (4:03:33 PM): Just trying to stave off boredom.
nekohikaruchan (4:03:44 PM): Analyze this one. It's sad, but has other emotions in it as well, for a better understanding.
nekohikaruchan (4:03:45 PM): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qN8ICMBSkPY
blackhawkfury221 (4:09:54 PM): I analyzed part of it.
blackhawkfury221 (4:10:31 PM): There are feelings of sorrow, of trust and of happiness. There also promises made in the video to make the feelings stay. The girl Michiru wants others to be happy and to make that happiness last.
nekohikaruchan (4:11:32 PM): Alright, so you got sad emotions?
blackhawkfury221 (4:11:35 PM): Yeah.
blackhawkfury221 (4:11:39 PM): And happy ones.
blackhawkfury221 (4:11:54 PM): Plus a bit of regret on Michiru's part for having to leave.
nekohikaruchan (4:11:54 PM): Now onto the ones you seem to have issues with the line between good and evil.
blackhawkfury221 (4:12:00 PM): Yeah.
nekohikaruchan (4:12:05 PM): Analyze this one. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lEtVBVVqTi4
blackhawkfury221 (4:12:09 PM): Ok
nekohikaruchan (4:27:57 PM): I'm having you watch that one, because a TON of emotions and change in it.
blackhawkfury221 (4:28:09 PM): Ok. be back soon.
blackhawkfury221 (4:34:33 PM): Hikaru, I am back. So Far I detect Jealousy and Hatred.
blackhawkfury221 (4:34:40 PM): And misplaced love and trust.
nekohikaruchan (4:34:56 PM): You finished it?
blackhawkfury221 (4:35:06 PM): I said so far, so no.
nekohikaruchan (4:35:31 PM): Finish, because it's one of the most emotionally confused anime possible. It's one of those metaphorical anime, so it's the best lesson I can give.
blackhawkfury221 (4:35:43 PM): Ok.
blackhawkfury221 (4:46:23 PM): Now, it contains anguish, happiness, sorrow, remorse, joy and finally feelings of loss.
nekohikaruchan (4:47:10 PM): Finish it?
blackhawkfury221 (4:47:17 PM): Almost
blackhawkfury221 (4:49:45 PM): Almost done watching part 3
nekohikaruchan (4:49:55 PM): You're watching part 3 as well?
blackhawkfury221 (4:50:01 PM): Yeah.
blackhawkfury221 (4:50:04 PM): To see the ending.
blackhawkfury221 (4:50:26 PM): And done.
blackhawkfury221 (4:50:31 PM): I told you what I got from it.
blackhawkfury221 (4:50:36 PM): In the end everyone was happy.
nekohikaruchan (4:52:15 PM): What's happening, what shows these feelings?
blackhawkfury221 (4:52:50 PM): Well the happenings is at the beginning when she acts kind and towards the middle when her Jealousy and Anger are revealed and then at the end where her kindness is truly revealed.
nekohikaruchan (4:53:21 PM): Yes, but what brings these emotions? What's the battle the character has to overcome. Her sin is suicide, by known that, what are we concluding?
blackhawkfury221 (4:54:19 PM): She killed herself and she feels deep anguish/regret about something.
nekohikaruchan (4:54:44 PM): ...There's more inner...what it tries to show. By understanding the inner, you can make your characters real.
blackhawkfury221 (4:54:58 PM): I see.
blackhawkfury221 (4:56:17 PM): Hikaru
blackhawkfury221 (4:56:23 PM): www.cosmicempires.ipbfree.com
nekohikaruchan (4:56:29 PM): Hold on.
blackhawkfury221 (4:56:29 PM): Please copy all my tech requests there.
nekohikaruchan (4:57:17 PM): Alright. Basically, Reki commited suicide, and the sin she has to get over is that...but not that entirely. In her life she didn't trust anyone, she kept digging her own hole, refusing to trust, then in her death the Haibane world, she took those feelings and everytime she tried to trust someone, she was betrayed or things happened, so she stopped altogether, she never found salvation, because she took it all upon herself, she took the guild all toherself and never trusted anyone to help, so she was "sin-bound," trapped in the circle of sin.
nekohikaruchan (4:57:46 PM): The feeling of betray and mistrust, It appears that she led Rakka on, using her for her own salvation and nothing else, not really caring.
blackhawkfury221 (4:58:00 PM): Yeah, but towards the end she actually cared.
nekohikaruchan (4:58:16 PM): But this isn't entirely true, she told Rakka that to keep her from caring for Reki. Reki truly cared for Rakka, but told her that to "push her away."
nekohikaruchan (4:58:30 PM): Rakka finally realized this, and knew the true feeling that Reki held "inside."
blackhawkfury221 (4:58:59 PM): I understand now.
nekohikaruchan (4:59:08 PM): The young Reki in the white dress is "inner Reki," that scene she's fighting with herself, her inner wants to trust people and call for help, but Reki refuses to acknowledge this in fear it will always turn out the same.
nekohikaruchan (4:59:23 PM): Do you see what you do wrong now?
blackhawkfury221 (4:59:26 PM): Yes.
nekohikaruchan (4:59:32 PM): Your characters, they all only care for battle.
blackhawkfury221 (4:59:35 PM): Ah.
nekohikaruchan (4:59:39 PM): Defeating people, winning, it's all they live for.
blackhawkfury221 (4:59:42 PM): There in lies the problem.
nekohikaruchan (4:59:45 PM): You never once post a topic for development.
nekohikaruchan (4:59:57 PM): You don't try to give your characters life, just use them as tools.
blackhawkfury221 (5:00:02 PM): I am posting or in the process of posting a development topic for Vailen
nekohikaruchan (5:00:14 PM): Haibane, there's no battle at all in it.
nekohikaruchan (5:00:37 PM): Except the inner struggles of the characters themselves. It's a whole anime drama, dealing with sin, inner struggle, emotionally conflicts, and redemption.
nekohikaruchan (5:00:59 PM): I picked that because it shows what characters can become. They aren't tools for battle, ,battle is just an add on.
blackhawkfury221 (5:01:04 PM): Hikaru, I got something for you to create on GE. It will help me develop my characters further.
nekohikaruchan (5:01:19 PM): Now do you understand?
blackhawkfury221 (5:01:23 PM): Yes,
nekohikaruchan (5:05:57 PM): What emotion have I not done yet?
blackhawkfury221 (5:06:04 PM): Hmm. You have done them all.
blackhawkfury221 (5:06:09 PM): Except being manipulative.
nekohikaruchan (5:06:11 PM): Ah right! Heroism.
nekohikaruchan (5:06:59 PM): I don't know where to fine scenes though...
nekohikaruchan (5:08:34 PM): Aha! I know the one...but you'd have to watch both episodes to understand it..
blackhawkfury221 (5:08:42 PM): I will as I said watch it later.
blackhawkfury221 (5:09:06 PM): Now Hikaru, we are going to RP over IM a meeting between Avidan and Hikari that will have no fighting.
nekohikaruchan (5:09:28 PM): After you watch these to pick them up. You need to learn real heroism vs marvel..........
blackhawkfury221 (5:09:33 PM): Ok.
blackhawkfury221 (5:09:35 PM): Show me.
nekohikaruchan (5:09:45 PM): Both episodes are 3 parts each.
blackhawkfury221 (5:09:51 PM): I can handle that.
blackhawkfury221 (5:09:57 PM): How long is an episode?
nekohikaruchan (5:10:04 PM): Around 22mins
blackhawkfury221 (5:10:10 PM): 44 min then.
blackhawkfury221 (5:10:17 PM): I should be done by 7.
nekohikaruchan (5:10:27 PM): Really you should watch episode 24-26...but your choice.
blackhawkfury221 (5:10:42 PM): Episodes 25-26 will suffice.
blackhawkfury221 (5:10:59 PM): Anyway Hikaru do you mind if I show you how I will start the developing?
nekohikaruchan (5:10:59 PM): Coud's death is in 24...x.x
nekohikaruchan (5:11:05 PM): Kay...
blackhawkfury221 (5:12:12 PM): Avidan then slowly walked through the fortress that had been designed centuries ago by those who hated Negion users. He was looking for help, someone to help him control his Negion which was acting more erratic than he could stand. This was torment to lose control of his powers like this especially when he knew he would eventually have to return to Gallaghar. He had been permitted to come here only to develop control and mastery of his abilities.
blackhawkfury221 (5:12:19 PM): (Continuing)
blackhawkfury221 (5:13:17 PM): Avidan then heard a noise. He was automatically suspicious of whatever was making that noise. He was not here to battle and thus had sealed the darker side of his Negion temporarily along with the offensive capabilities of his white negion and had blocked the Silver Negion completely. He would not dare fight when told to learn by Gallaghar. He had come here to learn.
blackhawkfury221 (5:13:24 PM): (You can use Hikari here)
nekohikaruchan (5:13:54 PM): After.
nekohikaruchan (5:14:02 PM): Here's ep1/24
nekohikaruchan (5:14:59 PM): Part 1 : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XecveaeR9dM Part 2: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6a-wl1QzU_I Part 3: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ef4vQV_CqF0 Will give ep25 when you're done.
blackhawkfury221 (5:15:03 PM): Ok.
nekohikaruchan (5:15:26 PM): This is the perfect example for heroism and chivalry and determination in anime.
blackhawkfury221 (5:15:36 PM): Ok.
blackhawkfury221 (5:28:33 PM): Hikaru, I decided something.
blackhawkfury221 (5:28:38 PM): The Character Kuu in there.
blackhawkfury221 (5:28:49 PM): His appearance is unique and so I decided to change Avidan's slightly.
nekohikaruchan (5:28:52 PM): *Coud
blackhawkfury221 (5:28:56 PM): Coud
blackhawkfury221 (5:29:02 PM): Right.
blackhawkfury221 (5:37:54 PM): Now I have watched Ep 24\
nekohikaruchan (5:38:19 PM): Getting epsiode 25. You don't have to watch the intro/ending you know, it speeds it up if you skip those.
blackhawkfury221 (5:38:24 PM): And now it is your turn to use your GE character while I watch episode 25.
blackhawkfury221 (5:38:28 PM): I got there already.
nekohikaruchan (6:01:58 PM): The last episode shows the good and evil thing which shows motives and what I was trying to teach before.
nekohikaruchan (6:02:10 PM): Do you need the link?
blackhawkfury221 (6:02:14 PM): No.
blackhawkfury221 (6:02:20 PM): Now I will watch while you post.
blackhawkfury221 (6:20:09 PM): Done.
blackhawkfury221 (6:20:12 PM): Now it is your post.
nekohikaruchan (6:20:21 PM): First thing is first.
nekohikaruchan (6:20:27 PM): Was Orphus truly evil?
blackhawkfury221 (6:20:30 PM): No.
blackhawkfury221 (6:20:33 PM): Merely confused.
nekohikaruchan (6:20:38 PM): Misguided
blackhawkfury221 (6:20:45 PM): She thought that Elbarays and Humans could never work together.
nekohikaruchan (6:20:58 PM): She lost hope in humans and Eldel Raids working together ever.
nekohikaruchan (6:21:11 PM): So she wanted to crush humans, she just just needed reforming.
blackhawkfury221 (6:21:19 PM): Yes. However her hope got restored by Ren and Coud.
nekohikaruchan (6:21:22 PM): What does this tell us about sterotypical evil?
blackhawkfury221 (6:21:31 PM): Sometimes it is not as evil as it seems.
nekohikaruchan (6:21:50 PM): Is Orph's character Koty evil?
blackhawkfury221 (6:22:17 PM): Well He is misguided and doesn't want to be the brother of god. However that doesn't nessecarily mark him as evil.
blackhawkfury221 (6:22:32 PM): Now we start.
blackhawkfury221 (6:23:38 PM): Avidan walked towards the library of the Fortress of those who hated the Negion users in the past. He at Gallaghar's orders was trying to gain control of the new powers besides Negion that were inside him. It was very painful to supress these powers but yet until he could control he must supress. He then entered the library and saw a woman standing there "Hello. "
blackhawkfury221 (6:23:45 PM): (Hikari sort of protects that place)
nekohikaruchan (6:24:08 PM): (Alright, brb a few minutes, will post when I get back.)
blackhawkfury221 (6:25:28 PM): (Ok I wasn't done with my post) Avidan seemed on edge as he slowly walked and picked out a tome called Inverticus. It would allow people to invert Negion spells or cancel them out. He viewed the book with caution. He knew it would be useful as he would have to eventually fight Laura he needed to be prepared. However that didn't mean he was ready to embrace his inner badness and succumb to the dark whispers of his power.
blackhawkfury221 (6:33:47 PM): (Ah)
blackhawkfury221 (6:33:52 PM): (Your turn)
nekohikaruchan (6:34:05 PM): (Thinking, that's another lesson, don't enter more messages wait on people.)
blackhawkfury221 (6:34:15 PM): (Ok)
nekohikaruchan (6:37:59 PM): Hikari quickly turned her head, at the approaching foot steps and sound of Avidan's voice. Slightly suprised at the entrance and how she couldn't have sensed it earlier. "Do I know you?" She asked, tilting her head a bit in confusion.
blackhawkfury221 (6:38:15 PM): "You will. " said Avidan. He then said "How much for the book?"
nekohikaruchan (6:39:52 PM): "Book?" Hikari asked, quite confused now. She was guarding this place of course, but that did not nesecarily mean she knew WHY she was guarding it. It had just been a command by one of the higher ups, for her to be here and guard it from people. She had never actually wondered or questioned why, she just obeyed. Now with this request lingering, Hikari gave a slight shake of her head and continued. "I'm sorry, but I don't know what book you're talking about."
blackhawkfury221 (6:40:08 PM): He then held out the tome to her.
blackhawkfury221 (6:40:09 PM): "This. "
nekohikaruchan (6:41:27 PM): (Hold on, using thesaurus to grab a word, sometime I get stuck and can't remember what word I want to use.)
blackhawkfury221 (6:41:30 PM): (Ok)
nekohikaruchan (6:44:04 PM): Surveying the book with her eyes, Hikari's expression went blank, then into one of fear. It felt wrong, that book. There was a sense of something wrong and evil flowing from the very binding of it. Was this why she was here to guard this place? "I-...I don't think it's a very good idea to be toucing that...thing." She stuttered, taking a step back, slowly, her eyes not lifting from where the book was.
nekohikaruchan (6:44:19 PM): *touching
nekohikaruchan (6:44:44 PM): (You never actually told me what to do..so I'm making it up, that okay?)
blackhawkfury221 (6:45:53 PM): (Ok) Avidan then said to her "Very well. This clearly isn't the book I am looking for. " He snapped his fingers and the book reappeared on the shelf. "How much do you know about magic?"
nekohikaruchan (6:47:32 PM): Now that the book was gone, Hikari could finally relax. Glancing at him, she gave a smile. "I know some. My mother was a great sage, and I had read some of her writing before my....end." Shaking her head, she continued, "But that's all in the past, I know enough to live by, and to defend myself."
blackhawkfury221 (6:47:48 PM): "Well, I could train you in some. "
blackhawkfury221 (6:47:58 PM): "And of course you could help me by telling me which books are good and evil here."
blackhawkfury221 (6:50:17 PM): "Do we have a deal?" He extended his hand to her.
nekohikaruchan (6:50:19 PM): "I don't think I have the time sadly,..." She responded. Glancing to the surrounding shelves and books. "I was told to guard this place, and only guard it..If I were found to be goofing off...," Pausing, she shuddered at the thought of what would happen. If she were found not guarding it, she might get demoted, or worse! She'd be a fallen angel. She knew of another, Vailen, who had done that. He had been forced to deeds on earth and was a laughing stock of heaven. Shaking her head, she cotinued. "Well....it would be very undutiful of me."
blackhawkfury221 (6:51:07 PM): "Well there is one thing you could do. See by accepting my training you could guard this place better against Laura who will likely try to kill us both and succeed. My powers aren't working properly at the moment and I came here to try to find a solution. "
nekohikaruchan (6:52:11 PM): "Is this Laura a threat?" Hikari questioned, puzzled at his forwarning. She didn't know many of the villians, other than her Mother, the Anrufe, and Lucifer. All else, she really didn't look into.
nekohikaruchan (6:52:31 PM): (Show some emotion in your regular posts, see how I always put what my character is feeling, or how they react?)
blackhawkfury221 (6:53:18 PM): (Yeah. ) Avidan seemed very distressed as he replied in an almost mournful voice "Yes. She attacked viciously and slew my mentor Gallaghar who's last order was for me to come here and find some way to stop her. "
nekohikaruchan (6:55:04 PM): "I see.." At this news, Hikari felt sympathy for the man who stood in front of her. Losing someone was never a good thing, and losing someone as close of a mentor had to hurt in the most deepest ways. Perhaps she could help, if it would comfort the kind sir. "Well cheer up, I'm sure there's something we can do."
blackhawkfury221 (6:55:31 PM): "Yes. There is one way. If I can find someone strong enough to redo the seal on my Negion I can use it once more."
blackhawkfury221 (6:55:39 PM): "Which means I could buy you time to get reinforcements."
nekohikaruchan (6:56:21 PM): (Emotion. You're getting better, but just dialogue doesn't tell the reader much. Every post should be acompanied by an action, what the character is feeling, and how they react.)
blackhawkfury221 (6:56:27 PM): (Ok)
blackhawkfury221 (6:57:05 PM): Avidan seemed angry as he said to Hikari "I will try to let you access my Negion and reseal it so I can use it along with the other abilities I have gained. I hope you are successful for we have about a month to prepare for Laura's attack here. "
nekohikaruchan (6:59:45 PM): Hikari nodded slightly in response. True, heaven had assigned her the task of guarding. And heaven didn't interfere. But wouldn't it be even more of a sin to leave the downtrod in despair? Wasn't it god's and thus an angels duty to help those with inner burdens? Was it really interfering to help the depressed? She didn't think so. (Continuing.)
nekohikaruchan (7:00:12 PM): Weighing both choices, carefully, finally Hikari decided. "Alright then, I'll do my best to help you in whatever way possible."
blackhawkfury221 (7:00:55 PM): Avidan then held out his palm to her. He said in a tough tone "If Laura comes here, she will have 300x the power she did when I last fight her which means I will be screwed unless I find a way to nullify her Negion capabilities so I can overwhelm her somehow."
nekohikaruchan (7:02:26 PM): (Good, but since this is teaching as well, try to branch out to other words. Tough could be substituted for a "He said as he looked off in determination," since "tough tone," tells the reader, putting the emotion inside action SHOWS the reader. Get it?)
blackhawkfury221 (7:02:39 PM): (I see)
blackhawkfury221 (7:02:43 PM): (I will redo that)
nekohikaruchan (7:04:40 PM): (Also, just so you know, I'm going to paste these logs of "teaching," taking out a few parts, onto your characterization lesson with a grade. You may very well pass basic...and go onto intermediate, now that you have all this down. But you have to show me you learned. By applying it ALWAYS.)
blackhawkfury221 (7:05:12 PM): Avidan then said to Hikari "What is your name?" as He looked off in determination. He would not allow Laura to triumph. Even if it meant his own death he would stop her from conquering everyone with her boosted state of power. She had sucked out the soul of his mentor. There would be no forgiveness. He was in a mood to kill or be killed and clearly before Hikari could do anything she would have to soothe his emotional state. "It is time. Negion Rebind. "(Ok) He then copied his memories of how Gallaghar bound his Negion which was very painful over to Hikari.
blackhawkfury221 (7:05:28 PM): (Continuing)
blackhawkfury221 (7:06:30 PM): He was unlikely to survive such pain a second time. Through sheer force of anger he had survived said pain the first time. It would be highly unlikely he would live if it was done in the same way twice. Yet it was the only way he could think of to seal the Negion for his own use so it didn't desert when he needed it.
blackhawkfury221 (7:06:45 PM): (Done)
nekohikaruchan (7:08:06 PM): (Excellent, your putting battle beside development finally, instead of just trying to go from Point A to Point B and being the toughest and winning. You're actually showing the weakness and struggles of your characters.)
blackhawkfury221 (7:08:18 PM): (Yeah. Now it is your turn)
nekohikaruchan (7:11:20 PM): "Hikari," Hikari replied. Suddenly, memories, but no her own, filled her eyes and mind, giving her forsight into this mans struggle. Sadness, rage, and determination of revenge, filled her, the emotions of what he had gone through. And when it was done, silence. She felt numb, seeing the events that had taken place. She had felt the pain of her own death of course, the loss of love and caring by her own "mother," but all of it, it was nothing compared to the loss the magic user who stood in front of her had gone through. No, this pain, was new, and it filled Hikari herself, with great sorrow and pity on the kind soul.
nekohikaruchan (7:11:39 PM): With a shudder, finally she spoke up. "I'm sorry....," was all she could say.
blackhawkfury221 (7:12:33 PM): "Gallaghar did the seal on me to prevent me from losing control. However his seal currently is ruptured thanks to Laura killing him. I dare not use my Negion unless someone is willing to seal it. "
blackhawkfury221 (7:12:39 PM): He seemed anguished.
nekohikaruchan (7:13:22 PM): (You can do better than that. Wouldn't your character be in far off, memory land of thinking, before replying?)
blackhawkfury221 (7:13:56 PM): (Yes. ) Avidan then thought of memories and how best he could handle Hikari. He then formulated a plan. "I think I know you are an Angel. I am Avidan. "
blackhawkfury221 (7:14:20 PM): His anguish was visible on his face as he said this. He was afraid god would strike him down for realizing that she was indeed an Angel.
nekohikaruchan (7:16:26 PM): Slowly, but considerate, Hikari began to come out of her initial shock of pity. "Oh, that should be obvious by now of anyone in the kingdoms. It's quite alright," she replied, trying to be happy again, though it took much hard work and could probably be easily seen through by anyone with people skills.
nekohikaruchan (7:16:52 PM): (End it...I have to post your lesson and grade.)
blackhawkfury221 (7:17:11 PM): Avidan then said to Hikari "It is done. I have achieved Silver Negion. Now I must fight Laura. "
blackhawkfury221 (7:17:23 PM): "If all else fails and I die, I pass my Negion to you. " he said sadly
nekohikaruchan (7:17:52 PM): "Good luck in your endevours, sir." Hikari smiled, trying to give what little hope she could, to this man. "I wish you the best of luck."
blackhawkfury221 (7:18:35 PM): What she said had encouraged Avidan. He then opened a portal. He removed a tome from his pocket. The tome of Negion "Keep this safe for me will you?" He threw it to her before entering the portal and going to the confrontation.
nekohikaruchan (7:19:42 PM): Hikari caught the tome, carefully setting it on the table. Then with a cheerful smile, she looked to the sky, seen through a cracked and dusty window nearby. "Take care of him, Kami-sama."
nekohikaruchan (7:19:45 PM): ~End~
Final Grade: A
You've passed the lesson part. Hawkeye, now you have to go to Orph or K2 to take the test to pass the class. Good luck. You have a grasp of how emotions and motives effect characters, and how to develop them now.
